Is culture the bottom line?

I've noticed that the phrase "that is our culture" is sort of a conversation stopper. When you're the minority guest in a foreign country and you're trying to question something, if the phrase "that is our culture" is used, it's sort of just the end of discussion.

Ethical dilemma: I'm out with some important leaders visiting The Salvation Army's work somewhere. We get gifts - lots of gifts. In fact, the whole back of the car is full of food that people have grown on their farms. And then we get envelopes full of money. And they are presented to us in front of everyone. I know how people are struggling - particularly in the rural areas. At one place, we were presented with the gifts in front of the whole church who were sitting on the ground under a tree. No one looked wealthy. And it felt very wrong for me to take the money; for us to take the money. But I knew it would be rude to refuse it in front of everyone. I thought of privately taking aside the church leader afterwards and giving it back, but I know that would have been interpreted as ingratitude. I ended up receiving the money graciously and then giving it all away the next day.

Technically, in The Salvation Army internationally, you're not allowed to accept gifts - particularly money. In my case, the leader I was with said publicly (in English) - "It is good that you gave us this gift, and I hope no one complained about it. Because we are your leaders, and so you are supposed to give us gifts. And cash is best." To me, there is a difference between accepting a few tomatoes as a thank you, and demanding the people give you hard cash. "But that is our culture." I get that honouring people with small gifts is part of culture - but expecting gifts? requesting cash? Is that cultural or just selfish? I wanted to question it. I wanted to tell them afterwards that I don't feel it is right for us to take money from people. However, I know that if I say I will no longer accept money, they will think it's because I'm rich and don't need it, and they will probably be happy because next time they will get my share! I don't know if that's helping the situation. The few times I've questioned the excessive gift giving to SA leaders, the response has been, "that's our culture. It will never change. It should never change." In other words, you're white, you can't understand, and we're benefitting, so you shouldn't question it.

I remember in university discussing female genital mutilation with a friend from Somalia. And I was saying, "maybe it's ok, if that's your culture" because hey - I don't want to be one of those neo-colonialists who imposes all of my own thoughts and beliefs on others! But then he said to me, "if the practice is harmful to those in my culture, then we have to get rid of it. We can't use the cultural excuse when people are being hurt." Of course there are questions of "who gets to decide what is harmful?" etc. but it makes sense that we should ask the questions, right? Of course I believe that culture should be respected and honoured. But so should universal principles like "the rich should not steal from the poor" and "we are all equal" and "the dignity of all human beings has to be respected." I don't think culture should always be the bottom line. What do you think?