Deep Thinker

** This post has been updated by the Editor **

Rochelle writes some heavy stuff in this blog, but you should know that she isn’t the only deep thinker in our marriage. I, too, have occasional moments when I reflect on loss and deprivation. For example, I spent some time this weekend mourning the nearly 30 years of my life spent without Nutella. When I was growing up, I always knew that something was missing, that there was an unexplained void in my diet. But now that I’ve been introduced to the creamy chocolaty miracle hazelnut spread, I promise that I will never waver in my enthusiasm to share the good news of Nutella to the world. I’m a changed man! The sad thing is that I’ll never get those wasted years back.

Ed. Note: While John certainly loves his Nutella, he most certainly did not spend any time this weekend contemplating his life without it. He doesn't spend time contemplating anything.

Speaking of wasted years, I have become a major time waster. I’m supposed to be updating a website, designing a newsletter, training new personnel and working on my creative writing assignments for school, but instead I’m blogging. And I hate blogging, so I guess I’m desperate for distractions. I finished reading the entire internet last week (even the Japanese sites), so I figured that the only thing left to do was to add to its nonsense by blogging. It would be far more educational for me to just read a book at work, but then it would be obvious that I’m slacking off. Instead I just stare at this screen and read about Brittany Spear’s domestic challenges online, letting people think that I’m busy working on a book or something.

Ed. Note: John doesn't know anything about Brittany Spears. He does, however, spend far too much time researching websites about obscure poets and writers.

I am not writing a book, but I should be since I spent a whole lot of money to enrol as a student in the Humber School for Writers. I am, however, working on a few short stories that will help me remain almost famous. Or at least almost almost famous. My writing mentor thinks I have promise, and that’s not just because she’s paid to say that. My mother also thinks I have promise, and I don’t pay her anything. In fact, she still buys me supper when we see each other.

Ed. Note: John only writes stories in the hopes of getting free suppers. His only motivation is his appetite. And he better be writing some stories because he spent waaay too much money on this program.

I’m currently reading Grace & Poison, a collection of poetry by Karen Connelly; Selected Stories by Alice Munro; and Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman by Haruki Murakami. On Sundays I also read a letter or two from Our Life Together by Jean Vanier, just in case Jean can help me become a better man. By the way, has anyone delved into the collected letters of Ted Hughes? Looks interesting…

Ed. Note: If John read fewer books and went outside more, he'd probably have more Facebook friends. I hear his wife has 400 more friends than him.

I’m not a musical person. When I was younger, I tried to be, mostly because I belonged to a cult that expected good boys and girls to toot horns and twirl tambourines while wearing identical outfits. Yes, it’s true; I was a member of the Mickey Mouse Club.

Ed. Note: It's true. John is not the slightest bit musical. He can't even hum properly.

Rochelle, as most of you know, is quite musical. As is her whole family: The Von Ivanys. In fact, when we got engaged, there was considerable debate about whether Rochelle should be allowed to marry a non-singer. This was supposed to have been kept a secret, but the story leaked out last year. Apparently the family caucus was quite contentious, with three in favour, two opposed and one abstaining. All I can say is that the McAlisters never held a vote about whether I should be allowed to marry someone who couldn’t cook.

Ed. Note: So, so untrue. The Ivanys only thought of this after the wedding, at which point it was far too late. Sadly, it was the elderly residents at Meighen Residence who suffered the most, having been forced to listen to John sing a solo during a family rendition of We Three Kings.

Despite my musical inadequacies, I do enjoy listening to music. Sometimes I even remember to turn my iPod on when I’m out running. I once ran 33KM before realizing that there was no music coming through my headphones. Anyway, the iPod is usually on these days, so I’m listening to lots of music. And since I’ve been missing Canada a bit lately, music has provided a bit of home for me.

Ed. Note: John always forgets to turn on his iPod. Why bring it if you're just going to forget to turn the thing on?

Some mornings I listen to the stuff I grew up on: The Smiths, Depeche Mode, Sinead O’Conner, New Order, Blur, Oasis and The Beautiful South. I’ve also got into some new artists, such as The Shins, Jet, Interpol, Bloc Party, Spiritualized and my current favourites: The Bravery, The Moldy Peaches and The National. Rochelle and I do not share the same taste in music, which could explain why she’s the saint and I’m the sinner.

Ed. Note: True. Rochelle is far more holy than John. And better looking. And she has better taste in music.

Blogging is so ridiculous. Why do we do this???

Ed. Note: To enrich the minds of the masses. And to be a blessing to others.