Angry

I've never really been comfortable with the image of an angry God. I believe that God is full of love, compassion and mercy - a Father who cares deeply for us and wants hope for us; not punishment. I feel like skipping over the parts in the Psalms that are so angry and violent. I'm not really angry by nature either. I've rarely thrown objects or yelled at others or been in a "rage." But I find that here I feel angry a lot - and I internalize it - sometimes to the point of making myself sick. I know this is unhealthy and to be avoided, but some things just really do make me angry. Yesterday there were 4 things that stood out in my mind. 1 - long, snaking bank queues - people waiting all day in the hot sun to try to pay school fees for their children or to take out a few of their own precious dollars. 2 - a dumptruck squashed full of standing people - because there was no other form of transport. 3 - a child of about 7 sleeping in the middle of the street. Situations that dehumanize people make me angry. And then there's the puppets.

Back in 2003 a proposal was put forth to train people in using puppets to teach about issues like HIV/AIDS. It's taboo to talk about issues of sexuality in mixed-generation company, and yet puppets can say anything so it was proposed that they could be a good medium for talking about sensitive issues. The project was approved in 2004, but never implemented, so I was asked to implement it. The project money equals over $32,000US, and the budget is quite impressive - training, follow-up training, car battery, sound equipment for teams, keyboards, fuel for traveling to remote areas, theatres, materials, administration costs, etc. It's all there. We had hoped to train40 people, but we're starting with 15 next week. I put together my budget. It's going to cost us $1billion (approx. $400 in real money) for 15 delegates and 3 facilitators to stay at the Salvation Army college for 6 days. And I figured about $500 million ($200) to buy supplies to make the puppets. I went to the finance secretary yesterday to get the budget approved. This project money came through official channels in The Salvation Army and therefore the money needs to be exchanged at the official bank rate. Which means for over $32,000US we're getting $1billion. The whole budget - over $32,000 US dollars - is going for food/accommodation for 6 days at our own college. No money for supplies, equipment, follow-up, etc. When I studied economics, I didn't really get the whole fixed exchange rate thing. Now I do, and it makes me absolutely angry. All the value of that money just... lost.

I'm always praying to have the heart of God. Maybe this is why I'm learning to be angry at real evil or injustice. But there's a time for everything. We can't be angry all of the time... (I actually find anger relief in meaningless t.v. like the O.C., season 1 of which I got for Christmas!)