Don't worry - you have not been left out of the loop. It's just that
we haven't heard anything from Zimbabwe. So... that means more
waiting!!!
Before this whole experience, I never realized how painful faith and
hope can be. I mean, obviously they're very good, life-sustaining
things. But actually, if you have faith and hope too much for
something specific, it can lead to a lot of multiple disappointments.
I guess maybe the biggest thing I'm sick of is the self-centredness of
this whole process. I know (trust me, I know) that what we're going
through is not a big deal compared to crack addiction or abuse or
many, many other difficult life situations. Humanly, I'm just
exhausted. I want to move on with my life, but I'm not exactly sure
how to do that. How do you "carry on as usual" when you're always
being told - "no, really, it's going to happen soon. Get ready to
leave in the next week!" Constantly. What a roller coaster. And the
ride continues....
I shouldn't complain. God is good. Life is good. I'm blessed. It's
just my poor little heart...
1 comment:
You are being honest about how you feel tested by this...and I understand completely. My theory about how people get stuck in the kinds of pain that you compare to your own is that our society isn't very sympathetic, generally. So people have to amplify their situation in order to get access to help and in the process they lose the strength of what faith they have. If we (and I'm just as guilty as the next person) had more patience listening to stories of middle-class pain, then maybe things wouldn't have to get so dire before matters got attended to. For example, I know a single mom who had a good job until her daughter was about ten and developed a non-life threatening, but persistent condition that demanded she go to appointments during working hours. Do you think one person who wasn't working (and she had scads of people in her family who were retired) could take time to take the child to appointments? (Ironies, I was working full-time at that time). Sooo, the Mom tried to balance the two for some months, but ended up losing her job and hasn't found a good one in the last five years. Here this poor woman was penalized for making it look easy when it wasn't. She was always calm, cheerful, but not jokey and no-one helped her when she asked much more politely than I would have. She's not so nice these days...not knowing is hard and I pray you can hang on to your faith in this.
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