Inner Conflict

Last night I went to a send-off party/prayer meeting for two officer friends who are moving to the U.K. I had arrived late, because I was at choir, so I tried to "slip in" and sit on the floor right near the door. Someone suggested that I go sit with the ladies, but it would have meant walking right in front of the person giving the speech, so I said I was ok. Well, it turned out to be a big commotion until I went over and huddled with all of the other ladies. All the men, of course, were sitting on chairs. When it came time for tea, a couple of women were appointed to bring a jug and basin around to everyone (men first, of course) and wash their hands. Usually I do this, and people love to see me on my knees - taking my place and fulfilling my role - because it's respectful of culture, and shows that I want to fit in. Tea and cakes were served to everyone, but a special plate of meat was brought out for the territorial commander (the leader of The Salvation Army here) because he had come to the party. To give some context... I had spent the day with orphans dressed in ripped clothes (at a non-Army centre as the Army doesn't even have one orphanage in this country) and eating the peanut butter sandwiches we gave them as quickly as they could because they were so hungry.

I am a person of values and principles. Here are two values that I hold on to dearly:

1. I believe that all human beings have value and dignity, and were created in the image of God. I believe, thus, that all human beings are equal.

2. I am an anti-racist and an anti-colonialist. I respect other people's cultures and beliefs profoundly.

I think I have some inner conflict when these values conflict! I came to Zimbabwe swearing that I would listen and learn rather than teach. I came to Zimbabwe knowing that there was a lot of bitterness here against a race that had dominated for too long, and so I came to Zimbabwe determined to be humble, and to fit in, and to respect the way things are done here. I'm absolutely committed to this attitude, and yet... I'm also committed to the idea that all people are equal.

I admire they way Zimbabweans show respect to each other. But something screams within me when some people are treated with so much more honour and respect than others. When I taught at the training college the other day, I ate lunch afterwards with the staff. We had a totally different (and much better) meal than the students. But I ate it - I didn't want to cause a fuss. Last Sunday we went to a Salvation Army event and were invited to have lunch before the service. It was all the officers and us. And we were hungry, so we ate. But it also felt wrong to eat in front of everyone else. Our territorial leaders always get gifts at every event, and it's a sign of respect to them (and it's "cultural" because this is what you would do for a clan chief too). But it also feels wrong that the "rich" keep getting richer at the expense of the "poor." Jesus showed an undeniable concern and favour for the poor and marginalized people of his time, and so especially as followers of Jesus in the Church, it pains me to see those people remaining at the "bottom" of the heap. And yet, I don't want to have a critical/judgmental attitude either or come in with a "superior" mind-set (and I obviously know that my own culture has a lot of problems/issues too, but I feel more free to express those!) See my inner conflict?