Staring

Kieran is 4 months old now. He's a really curious guy (of course I think he's a genius, but even the doctor says he's smart) and is at a stage where he stares - at everyone. He stares at us and at his family members, but also at random strangers on the bus. One lady at Tim Hortons came up to me and told me that I should tell my son that staring is rude. Random. But this is Toronto! The other day two men in our elevator were having a conversation in Urdu and Kieran was just staring at them. Maybe he's picked up the language! It's cute. I'm totally in love with my son and his beautiful, blue, staring eyes.

2 women

We just got back from a great holiday in White Rock and Vancouver, British Columbia and then Drumheller, Alberta. It was cool to see the mountains and the ocean and the dinosaurs and hoo doos, but most of all it was cool to spend some time with great people - and to introduce them to Kieran. We got to spend time with 2 amazing women who have a huge influence on my life - Nana and Anita.

Nana is my grandmother (my mom's mom). She is an amazing woman of 85 who has spent her life praying, being kind to others, singing, leading... She is a great communicator who has always kept in touch with us and given us treats and been a big part of lives no matter the distance. We always knew when our phone lines were working again in Zimbabwe, because we would get a call from Nana. It was a delight to see her holding Kieran, and he did an amazing race of "almost" crawling, just to end up in her arms.

Anita is a beautiful friend who is a bit younger than Nana (!) but also spends her life praying, being kind to others, being an an extrordinary mom, leading The Salvation Army in Drumheller with her husband, cooking yummy food.... She is a joy to talk to and someone who really "gets" me. I am so thankful for her friendship.

Spending time with good people is refreshing. I recommend it. (Oh and do go out and see the mountains/ocean/dinosaurs/hoodoos - they're cool too).

Joy

I am not sure whether or not to blog anymore. Compared to my life in Zimbabwe, life now is so... ordinary and uninteresting. And yet I am more content and at peace than I can ever remember. I expected to love being a mother. I didn't expect to LOVE being a mother. I never get tired of staring at Kieran, or marvelling at him or feeling complete joy when I am with him. Of course I have moments where I cry along with him or feel completely exhausted, but overall, I am just enthralled with our son and so humbled and blessed to be his mom. I love the word Mommy.

Two weeks ago we attended the funeral of a friend. I was determined to feel joyful at this funeral, because I wanted to celebrate my friend's life. But I cried the whole way through. I believe in Heaven, and that the person is in a much better place. I just find it hard to see the kids and people left behind. The funeral reminded me of too much death and loss that I have experienced. And I think the sadness caught me off guard. Kieran Tinashe has brought me so much joy that the sadness was like a slap in the face. To me, Kieran is joy. At the funeral I held him close. When I think of suffering in the world, I hug Kieran and delight in his innocence. When I was visiting with my sister in the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver yesterday and seeing so many people addicted to drugs with empty eyes, I needed to see Kieran too. I recommend holding a baby. In his little short life I have seen people's faces and moods completely change as they hold his little (but growing) body.

God is so good.