Choice

Since starting all of my research and policy work on sexual
trafficking, I have thought often about the issue of choice; and when
things are "real" choices. Do people ever choose to enter the sex
trade? I've met people who certainly think they have, and would be
insulted at being told it wasn't a rational choice. And yet... the
average age of entry in Canada is 14, and most prostituted persons
have histories of poverty and sexual abuse (which profoundly alters
your thinking). So, even if they're making a rational or real choice
to enter, are they really?

Or take the case of domestic violence. Do women choose to stay in
intimate relationships where they are
physically/emotionally/sexually/spiritually abused by their partners?
The simple answer is yes – some women choose to stay. But that choice
is usually made with numerous considerations, including fear,
self-esteem, poverty or economic hardship, sexism or racism, children
(and society's idealization of two-parent families), community
pressures, shortage of community resources, etc. Is the choice to stay
(or return) really a choice when you have been afraid and intimidated
for years; when you have little self-esteem or self-respect left, when
all of your finances are in your husband's name, when you want your
children to have a Daddy, and when your church community tells you
that marriage is for life and a woman's patient love and persistence
will eventually guarantee her husband's salvation?

And yet how could I ever say that women are unable to make real
choices about their lives because of their life circumstances? Isn't
that disempowering? The issue of choice seems complicated.

Blessings at the Dominion

The other day I was getting a few groceries at our local grocery
store. As the woman was giving me my receipt, she held my hand for a
moment, looked into my eyes, smiled and said "God bless you." I was so
touched! Our (temporary) neighbourhood is predominantly Muslim (from
Pakistan and Afghanistan), and there is seemingly constant traffic to
and from the local mosque. I admire our neighbours' commitment to
their faith and to spreading peace.

Integrity

The other day I was in a meeting about sexual trafficking. I was
inspired by the commitment and passion that people had about
eliminating this form of slavery. I was particularly inspired by two
women who have made this their life's passion. The meeting broke for
lunch, and we all went to the hotel restaurant. I was talking with one
woman about her many trips overseas, and how most people in our part
of the world cannot even comprehend how most of the world lives; and
the degrees of poverty and suffering. She kept repeating how this was
her passion. Then it came time to order, and she spent (literally) 15
minutes asking the waiter questions about various menu items and
complaining that nothing really suited her. The other woman, who
moments earlier has been speaking passionately about ending sexual
trafficking, flipped out when her salad came because the dressing was
already on it. She was so upset, because that meant extra calorie
intake.

To me, it all seemed out of place, and lacking in integrity. But then
I shouldn't judge - I seem to always flip flop between genuine caring
and compassion about others, and then pure self-centredness and
wanting to get my own way! Ah, to be human!